Riley Why don’t poor kids get gifts from…

Riley: Why don’t poor kids get gifts from Santa?
Me: Because Santa has to pay the elves and since they unionized it’s become much more expensive. Santa can only out source so much, so parents pay Santa to bring the gifts so the elves don’t have to go without food. Some parents can’t afford it, so other people like the Salvation Army helps out.

I’m having one of those I knew…

I’m having one of those “I knew everything about raising kids before I had kids” eye roll moments.
I remember uttering the words “Kids shouldn’t have a TV or a computer in their bedroom” – Riley is in her room right now watching Dirty Jobs via NetFliz on Her Tablet.

Put Keira back to bed last night around…

Put Keira back to bed last night around midnight and figured that was the end of it.
Later ….. I heard water running and thought it was Tim – I Was Wrong.
I was woken at 3am by a Very Wet 5 year old child who had been sitting in the sink, playing with the water. Who had flooded the bathroom, then climbed into her bed, got cold and figured she’d go get mom to warm her up. Keira’s PJ’s were so saturated I would have sworn she had been swimming in them.

We never know exactly what Keira understands since…

We never know exactly what Keira understands since her communications skills are limited to telling us what she wants to eat. Plus everything comes out sounding a little like a robot so when she says something we wonder if it’s scripted.
Me: “Girls, I wasn‘t home today so I need to bake a treat right now for after school snack.”
Keira: “I.Want.Cookie.Dough.Pleeeeeeease.” [shocked she understood]
Me: “It‘s going to take a little while to make cookies.”
Keira: “I.Want.Broc.co.li.Please.”
(Broccoli is 3 words)

Scary As Hell moment today I was walking…

Scary As Hell moment today.
I was walking toward the Subway as an employee was walking out the back entrance cursing like a crazy man.
I got my lunch and as I was about to leave I heard someone say “Oh he‘s coming back and he doesn‘t look happy”
Well when he left he didn’t look “stable” and with all the gun violence lately I figured I’d make a quick exit, except he walked back in through the main entrance and when he reached behind his back, I started looking for the fire exit.
Lets face it, there are 2 kinds of people who carry a gun for protection, those who Need to and those who Think they need to – and this guy seemed like that kind of nut.
I started heading toward the exit as another employee started yelling “Don’t do this! Don’t Do This!”
So there the guy stood screaming, cursing and then he STRIPPED OFF his Subway uniform! Yup! Screaming “F*CK SUBWAY” in his underwear and then he left.