A small sample of questions I’ve answered for doctors and therapists and on forms I’ve made out a hundred times.

A small sample of questions I’ve answered for doctors and therapists and on forms I’ve made out a hundred times.
(If you know Keira, don’t feel bad about laughing – that’s the point!)
Q: Does Keira stare off into the distance and become unresponsive?
A: Only in her “Planning Stage”.
Q: Does she understand the word No?
A: I don’t know it’s never worked. Oh no correction, she understands NO when she screams it at me.
Q: Is your child shy?
A: That would be a nice change.
Q: Does she have anxiety attacks in large groups of people?
A: No, she causes anxiety in large groups of people. To Keira a large group of people is an adrenalin rush.
Q: Does she communicate effectively?
A: Only when she doesn’t want to do something.
Q: How does she do when you deviate from the normal routine?
A: Our routine or hers?
Q: Does she participate in dangerous behavior?
A: Only up until she realizes it’s going to hurt.
Q: Does she watch more than 2 hours of TV a day?
A: I WISH!!!
Q: When Keira watches TV what does she watch?
A: The title sequence. Possibly up to the first 5 minutes if she’s jumping on the trampoline.
Q: What is the first indication that Keira is about to have a tantrum.
A: She screams YAY!! Which in Keira speak is interpreted as “FIGURE OUT WHAT I WANT NOW OR THE SCREAMING IS JUST GOING TO GET WORSE!!!”
Q: Does your child engage in eye contact?
A: Only when attempting a mind-meld.
Q: Do you feel your child understands you?
A: When it involves food.
Q: Does your child nap? If not, please indicate at what age they discontinued this activity.
A: Pre conception is never an option.
Q: Is your child potty trained?
A: Only at home where she has access to the potty, since she can’t say “I want to use the potty” or even the word “potty” when she needs to go. But can read, say and sign both when written.
Q: Other than tantrums how does your child protest?
A: If she’s really angry she’ll walk into the middle of the living room pull off her Pull Up and pee on the floor, then jump in it like it’s a rain puddle.
Q: Does Keira have any special abilities?
A: Yes, she can Sign, Read, Spell, Count to 20, Count backwards from 10. She is teaching herself to write letters/words/numbers and basic addition skills. But she can’t say “I want a Cookie” when she wants one.
Q: What words best describe your child?
A: Willful. Sweet. Rebel. Brilliant.
Q: Can your child speak?
A: She has an unbelievably large vocabulary – she describes everything.
Q: In regards to your child, what other behavior are you worried about.
A: That she must chew everything.
Keira doesn’t talk to us like other 3 year olds.
I would love it if she understood the need to “stay with mommy”
Q: What are some activities your child enjoys?
A: Running, jumping, climbing, dancing, breaking things open to see what’s inside, exploring and snuggling on the couch with Mommy and Daddy with her doodle boards.
Q: What are some activities your child does not participate in?
A: Sitting still.
Q: How has your child’s behavior impacted your life?
A: I now have a much larger bladder.
Keira has been a non-conformist since before birth deciding the best decent was butt first and early. She has never felt the need to sleep and the more activity she receives the less likely she is to sleep through the night.